Speaking Different Languages

Preparing for my 800+ Indian wedding in London involves helping my friends and family who will be traveling across the Atlantic for the celebration. For some, this is their first trip overseas. For all, it is their first Indian wedding. I've tracked travel itineraries, I've booked hotel rooms, and I've arranged for airport transfers and entertainment. I've also visited the different hotels people will be staying in and dropped off homemade welcome boxes. The boxes are simple. They include maps, itineraries & wedding details along with a Big Ben magnet and British sweets. I've even included a short tutorial on How to Speak Gujarati. It has four simple sayings I thought the Americans would appreciate knowing when they meet my husband's side of the family. The phrases are simple and the Indians will be surprised to hear the Americans declare, "This is too spicy!" in their mother tongue. I picture the Americans studying the phrases appreciately while relaxing in their hotel between episodes of Doctor Who and Jeeves & Wooster.

I now think that the Americans are only eating the sweets.

Yesterday, my sister, A, and friend, J, were visiting me in my Notting Hill flat. As we indulged in at-home manicures I asked how their Gujarati was coming along. They both stared at me blankly, but then did admit to enjoying the Mars bars.

"At the wedding ceremony you are literally going to be greeting hundreds of people." They greeted me with silence. I took this as an invitation to carry on, "It wouldn't hurt to learn 'How are you'."

"Sure," my sister replied picking at her cuticle with more enthusiasm than she was mustering for my lingustics lesson. J nodded.

"Ok," I began,"When you ask 'how are you?' you say 'kem che?'."

Suddenly, my sister was excited, "Kim Chay? I think I know her!"

"What? No, you don't. It's not a person. It's a saying."

"No, it's a person," she insisted.

"No. It isn't"

"And I work with her."

"That may well be," I was getting frustrated, "but this is kem che and it means how are you."

"Fine," A relented, "but she'll be pretty amused to hear about this."

"Alright, just listen now will you?" I continued the lesson, "When someone says kem che to you, you want to respond 'I'm fine' which is saru che."

"Sara Chay!" A shrieked, "I know her too!"

I turned to my friend J who is Korean and a doctor. She is serious and responsible. "Can you believe this?"

"No," J replied blowing on a nail, "I think I'm related to her."